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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24844189">Tears, Bloodshed and Healing</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/d3athth3kid/pseuds/d3athth3kid'>d3athth3kid</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Song fics? [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Country Music, Drunk Spike, First Person Point of View, Song Lyrics, broken by lindsey haun, ignore that last one., is glass the best method for self mutilation?, my first buffy the vampire slayer fic, spike is my favovorite, that one country song that just hits you below the belt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 06:15:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,074</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24844189</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/d3athth3kid/pseuds/d3athth3kid</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Our beloved Spike has been abandoned by his lover of centuries, what happens next and where he goes, he doesn't now.<br/>Well he does, but how long it'll take is anybodys guess.<br/>Here we come Sunnyhell.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Drusilla/Spike (BtVS)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Song fics? [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1797190</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Tears</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>First, I own none of the characters.<br/>Second I have no affiliation with Lindsey Haun or the song 'broken.'<br/>Third, it ha been ages since I've watched the movie the song is written for, so bare with me.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Bloody hell.</p><p> </p><p>Bloody fuckin' hell.</p><p> </p><p>I tipped the now empty liquor bottle to my lips, growling deep in my throat, chest vibrating with the force, as a mere drop sought refuge on my tongue, the growl deepened as the simple drive, morphed into the scenic route, hours blending together as my liquor addled brain took me off course.</p><p> </p><p>Sunnyhell was my destination, but at this rate I'd run out of gas before makeing it. Shaking my head, caused my vision to swim, just a bit worse. Not wanting to wreck my precious d'soto I pull out of traffic an' breath for a moment, bleach-blond head dropping to the seat an' sighing, "Why dos thi'z always bludy 'appen?" my words were slurred, but the silence didn' seem to mind.</p><p> </p><p>I took a breath, mind swimming through the last year, ending with Dru leaving, for the second time. "Oh, fu'k, I nee' a pla'e 'o sleep m' 'angover off," not fancying cramps from sleeping in the rear of my baby, I pulled back onto the road, searching for a cheap motel. When once came into view, I pulled off, paid un-vampirely, then went into my thread barren suite.</p><p> </p><p>Figuring a good scrub would help clear the haze, I stripped myself bare as the day I was born an' stumbled into the shower. The water was luke warm, not that I minded, it did the trick, allowing me to scrub the dirt from my alabaster flesh.</p><p> </p><p>When finished the haze didn' seem as bad, my healing abilities would only require a few hours before my mind would be clear, once more. I smiled to myself, fake as ever an' stumbled in the direction of my duffel, pulling a clean pair of trousers from my duffel I slipping them up my near hairless legs and sunk into the slightly lumpy mattress, not bothering to pull the covers around myself.</p><p> </p><p>After a few hours my mind broke free of the uneasy sleep, relishing in the silence wakefullness brought. I took a deep breath, one I had't needed in centurys, then rolled an' plucked the remote from it's pedestal, flipping the box telly on, after thirty seconds I sighed in resignation, only five stations actually picked up an' I was stuck with info-mertials or CMT... an' Evil knows I would slaughter a hoard of people before willingly subjecting my self to such horror, but today I has not a care in the world.</p><p> </p><p>I shifted my bruise circled orbs towards the forest green curtains, once more, images flashed across my vision of Dru mocking me, her childlike voice ringing in my ears, I released the breath her words forced me to hold, as a teenage girls voice filled the room, after a brief moment her voice dwarfed the screeching, my sky eyes slipped closed as the lyrics floated through the room.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"wake up to a sunny day,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>not a cloud up in the sky,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>and then it starts to rain,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>my defences hit the ground,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>and they shatter all around,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>so open and exposed,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>but I found strength in the struggle,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>face to face with my troubles,"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>My breath caught uselessly once more, words tumbling from trembling lips, "figures the first time 'm sober in weeks, would be when the pain 'its." tears followed as the voice continued floating through the room.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"when your broken,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>in a million little pieces,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>and your tryin',</em>
</p><p>
  <em>but you can't hold on any more,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>every tear falls down for a reason,"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>That's when the emotions wrecked my body, finally breaking free of the confines I shoved them into. The tears came in violent bursts as centuries of lost love, flashed through my mind.</p><p> </p><p>Bloody hell, I thought, I'm once again alone, except this time mother isn't here to comfort me.</p><p> </p><p>A sadistic laugh tore through my shaking body as images of Dru an' I tearing my mother apart flashed behind my closed lids.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Dont you stop believin' in your self,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>when you're broken,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>little girl don't be so blue,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I know what your going through,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>don't let it beat you up,"</em>
</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Bloodshed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Spike sheds s bit of blood to relieve some of that horrid pressure his un-dead heart has experianced.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The laughter turned into hiccups as the tears started to fall for mother, instead of my century long lover.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Hittin' walls and gettin' scars,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>only makes you who you are,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>only makes you who you are,"</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The thought of scars marring alabaster flesh made me blink the tears away, allowing my lids to flutter open, teal eyes searched the room. "something, anything... please?" thoughts tumbled from my lips, as my brain flickered over the years, I had never been the type of human, let alone vampire that would willingly hurt themselves but at that moment, I wanted nothing more than to watch the blood flow from my wrists, so I slid from the bed, eyes puffy and unbeating heart heavy.</p><p> </p><p>It didn' take long, mere moments an' I found myself on the bathroom floor, glass from the shattered mirror held in my bleeding palm, blood dripped from the glass embeded in my non-dominant had, I took another un-needed breath an' pressed the sharp edge against the vein visable in my wrist, the maroon liquid easily slipped between the alabaster flesh, I watched in silent awe as Lindsey's voice continued.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"No matter how much your heart is aching,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>there is beauty in the breaking,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>yea-ah,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>when you're broken,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>in a million little pieces,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>and your tryin'</em>
</p><p>
  <em>but you can't hold on any more,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>every tear falls down for a reason,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>don't stop believin' in your self,"</em>
</p><p> 

</p>
<p>The laughter came once more, at the thought of a soul-less vampire believing in themselves. Hahaha, it was 'strange' to say the least, but my mind was falling blank as the words swept over my tortured mind.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"better days are gonna find you once again,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>every piece will find it's place,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>when you're broken,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>when you're broken,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>when you're broken,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>in a million little pieces, and your tryin',</em>
</p><p>
  <em>but you can't hold on any more,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>every tear falls down for a reason,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>don't stop believin' in your self,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>when your broken,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>oh, when you're broken,</em>
</p><p>
  <em>when you're broken."</em>
</p><p> </p><p>The song tapered off, soft guitar notes strumming until the girl began to speak once again with her father. I took a moment, blocking the telly out as the stream of cherry red liquid tapered off, the skin knitting it's self back together.</p><p>It seemed it was time to start healing an' put her, into the past where she belonged.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I have no beda, and I kinda wrote this in like an hour or 3, so i didnt fix more than the wording, yu-know to make it flow better. excuse the errors, and im not britich im c- american and suck at writing to begin with.<br/>p.s its been a long time since i've been drunk, so i honestly done remember how words slur.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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